‘Dragon Eats Eagle’ Waxes Poetic With a Preachy Message

Ulises Duenas


If a movie plans to get preachy with its message, it better have something good to carry it. A sharp script, charming characters, an engaging plot; Dragon Eats Eagle has none of these -- which is a shame because it lasts for almost 90 minutes of groan-inducing tedium.


Tucker and Ralph are two immortal humans who have been around since the dawn of civilization. They’re working for the U.S. government as two random stooges and they love waxing poetic about the sorry state of American society and politics. Their dialogue tries to go for the snappy back-and-forth feel that Quentin Tarantino movies have, but none of it works and comes off like two college students ranting in their first philosophy class. It’s hard to tell where the jokes in the dialogue are supposed to be, since most of it consists of general observations with some cynical commentary attached -- something that almost every character in the movie does.



Aside from the main duo, there are fictional versions of people like Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump, Alex Jones, and others. None of these characters offers any charm or personality and most exude the same “smarter than you” air that the script has overall. None of the actors' performances stand out and scenes have a weird, stilted feel to them, but it’s hard to just blame the actors when the script isn’t doing them any favors. 


As the story moves along, Doug and Ralph become unwitting agents in the breakout of the coronavirus, which was orchestrated by fake Hillary to get rid of fake Trump after the 2016 election. It’s hard to tell what purpose Tucker and Ralph serve in the plot, since apparently, they don’t have any sway in the government despite being immortal and witnessing all the major events of American history. Since they have both been around for centuries, this is just an excuse for them to rant about the erosion of American values. Almost every character appears too subdued for what is supposed to be an absurd comedy involving a global conspiracy.



By the time an hour had gone by, I wanted Dragon Eats Eagle to just end already. When it did end, I was unsure about what the movie was even trying to say other than “American politics are wacky and full of corruption” -- which isn’t exactly a fresh idea. This is similar to a more competent version of a Neil Breen movie, where it’s not unhinged and absurd enough to be funny, yet it has the same preachiness that makes it a chore to watch.


Author Bio:

Ulises Duenas is a senior writer at Highbrow Magazine.


For Highbrow Magazine


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